Sex Sounds in the Fx

I have been commuting my whole life and have had my fair share of WTF moments but nothing ever really prepared me for this one. If you have been reading this blog, you know that I’ve started a series called Hazards of Commuting wherein I share funny (most of the time horror) stories of my commute to work.

If you have read some posts on my blog, you would know also that I’m a chismosa. When I commute, I tend to listen to other people’s conversations. Usually it’s not that interesting so I tune them out. But there is one thing that I can’t tune out even if I tried; and that is the driver’s radio. No, not the FM radio but the radio-radio they use to tell each other if the streets are clogged with vehicles or if there’s a cop right up ahead.

So I was on my way home and took the usual Quiapo Fx. I was sitting in the middle part. I had a lot of things going on in my mind so I was oblivious to the world around me. The Fx started moving and I was going to drift off to sleep when I heard the radio kssshk-kssshk’d. I know that sound and right then I knew that I won’t be getting any sleep. I would be too preoccupied listening to their street jargons like “kilo kilo” or “5-10″ or “dogger”

iz in yer radio makeen secks sounds

So I listened. Do you know that it takes considerable skill to decipher what they’re saying? It’s not that easy! I paid more attention and little by little the words started making sense.

“pahipo naman… pahipo naman”

That wasn’t shocking for me. They always joke around when they use their radios. I once heard them talk about a passenger who was about to get off saying that she had nice, smooth legs: “the kind you’d lick” So, yeah. What I heard after that was what shocked me.

It was the sound of a woman’s voice. And she was making sex sounds.

“Unnhh… aaahh! ahh!! UNGGHH!!! AH!!”

I am not shitting you. I swear on my belly fat that I am NOT shitting you. You might be thinking that I’m just hearing things. That those sounds weren’t sex sounds but simple, harmless grunts. Heck, the girl could be pushing around furniture, right? On the driver’s radio? Right. Well, if those were innocent sounds, I don’t suppose the driver had to turn his radio off, right?

But he did. He turned it off. And so we, the passengers, were stuck in awkward silence. I had to command every muscle in my body to concentrate on NOT laughing. Seriously.

After a while, he turned the radio on again, but he turned it on little by little. The volume was barely audible at first but when you finally got to hear it:

“Arayy koooo… uhnnnn!” the girl’s voice was loud and clear as crystal.

The driver immediately turned it off.

I would have laughed really but instead I made a mental note that I am so blogging about this. (yes I am a nerd) I fell asleep after that and woke up just in time for me to get off. This whole experience makes me wonder though…

… WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?! Seriously! What! The! Fuck! Hahaha! Do they serve audio porn now for lonely Fx drivers? Damn!

Oh well I guess I’ll never know.

I’m not good with kids :(

Okay so there was this kid in the FX. He was the cutest chubby little thing I ever saw. We were sitting at the back and he was squeezed in between his parents. He looked so snug and cozy and quiet there that I couldn’t help staring. So I stared at the little boy like he was a rabbit at a pet store. He wasn’t budging! So so so cute! His chubby cheeks hung on his face and his innocent bright eyes popped out through the darkness. Cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I swear.

Then suddenly, the little runt KICKED ME! I looked at him, startled and he just stuck his tongue out at me!

I scrunched my face up and stuck my tongue out at him too. No little rascal will get the better of me! I prepared myself to participate in what would seem to be a ferocious Battle of the Monster Faces. But before we can continue, he was reprimanded by his parents. They scolded him for being a “war freak” (their words, not mine. I would have called him the devil’s spit but war freak could work too)

I stuck my tongue out one last time (I HAD TO WIN!) and then closed my eyes to sleep.

Yes. I am so bad with kids.