If you love your mom, hug her. Now.

I once told a friend that if you’ve never fallen in-love then you wouldn’t have ever known how it feels to get hurt. The reason why we feel sad about not being loved is that we know how it feels to be cared for and we can see the big difference between not being cared for and being loved tremendously.

My mom left for Canada today.

She stayed here for a month. At first when I heard the news that she was coming back here in the Philippines, I wasn’t exactly thrilled. I was so used to minding my own business at home and never actually conversing with anyone in the house. With her around, things are bound to get a little noisier. When she finally got here and tossed all her luggage in my room, I was kind of pissed because of the sudden lack of space. She even slept in my room for a while which I found awkward because I’m not used to sharing a room anymore.

But then as the days passed and I got used to her coming to my room and asking me how my day was (religiously, she never missed a day when she didn’t come into my room and talked to me) I found myself growing accustomed to this kind of attention. When I was sick, I rushed to her and she’d give me the right meds to take. When I was looking for something, I’d go to her and ask her where my stuff is. She’d try to look for it even though she has nothing to do with it. When I injured my baby toe, she took care of me, bringing me ice and water and food when I ask for it. When she goes out and I jokingly say “pasalubong” she seriously brings me back something to eat.

Today was one of the worst days so far this year. I endured a series of unfortunate events (reference to the book is slightly intended) toppling on top of the other that I went out of the house mighty pissed. I was so pissed that I forgot that today was the day she’s going to Canada.

I only remembered it when I got home.. and my heart sank a little lower as I climbed up the stairs. I knew deep inside that when I opened the door to my room, I wouldn’t find her huge luggage in there. I knew that when I sit in front of my laptop and type away, no one would come barging in my room, asking me how my day was or how my trip to the gym went. I knew that…

… okay, I think I’m going to cry.

Mama, I know you’re reading this. I just want you to know that I enjoyed that one month you got to stay here. And I miss you. I miss you so much even though this is just the first night that you’re away. Also, that I’m crying right now and I wish I hugged you before I left the house. I’m sorry I didn’t. and also, I love you.