Breaking your own Rules

You know how you have rules and standards you set for yourself? It defines you as a person. Like being someone who will “never eat meat” makes you a vegetarian and being someone who will “never arrive late” makes you punctual. But having those standards and rules also confine you in a small little box which makes it easy for people to identify you and categorize you.

I’ve always been the girl who will never date a younger guy.

My preference has always been towards older guys. Since high school I’ve been dating guys who are 4 to 9 years older than I am. A huge part of this is because I want maturity and guys don’t mature early on in their lives. So I choose someone older so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the whining and senseless arguments. However I found out that immaturity is not restricted to age alone. Older guys are pretty much capable of the same senseless bullshit just as much as the kids are. (by kids I prefer guys who are my age or younger than I am)

Then I met Louie.

Now I’m constantly teased as robbing the cradle.

To tell you guys the truth, I’ve never seen him as someone younger than I am. Maybe that’s also because he doesn’t act like one. I’ve been in a lot of relationships and Louie shows maturity that some of those guys never had. Of course, not everyone knows Louie and all they can see when they look at me is “Nicole’s dating a guy 3 years younger than she is!!!! WTF WTF WRONG WRONG!” and consequently, they give me a hard time for it. I can take it most of the time but there are cases that make me cringe in anger. I don’t see anything wrong with teasing me about dating a younger guy but when they start using statements like “It’s okay if the guy’s older than the girl no matter how many years the gap is and no matter how YOUNG the girl is but when the girl’s the one who’s older, it just looks bad”

It looks bad.

That would just make me want to freak. Looks bad? You don’t approve of the relationship because IT LOOKS BAD? Oh yeah, how very deep. So when I dated a 21 year-old guy when I was 15 it’s okay? It doesn’t look bad because the guy’s older. Hah. Right. (but then again I guess society has a long way to go…)

Ugh.

Just as I was about to feel bad about it, my girl friends knocked some sense into me:

“But… isn’t this progress for you? The main reason you liked older men was because you wanted to depend on someone which led to you being unable to do anything else on your own. Now that you’re in this new relationship, isn’t this progress? You’re breaking your own rules and in the process you’re starting to depend more on yourself. If you ask me, you dating a younger guy is a good thing.” – girlie, one of my girl friends

“… and besides if you see how in-love they are, grabe. When you see Louie reacting to every little thing Nicole does you could see how much he wants her… it’s one thing to be loved and it’s another thing altogether to be wanted. We all want to be loved but there’s a different high in being wanted at the same time” – ayzee, one of my girl friends.

Sometimes you have to break a couple of your rules to move forward. There are cases when you have to get out of that little box you’ve hid yourself safely in. If you want happiness, you must be prepared to go take it. In this world where everyone is in hot pursuit for the things that make them happy, you have to step up your game. You have to be prepared to battle it out, even if it means destroying the box you’ve carefully placed over yourself.

I’ve destroyed mine and although I feel naked and defenseless right now, I know that this feeling I have right now is worth everything.

(Not) A Rant on PDA

I had a day off in the middle of the week. So… that was a Wednesday. I realized that not having work left me with absolutely NOTHING to do and while that is a welcome situation for some I realized that it actually didn’t work for me. I was bummed out of my mind. That was probably more because all my friends have work now and are hard to reach. Oh add the fact that payday is drawing near, that means my cash is running out.

So what did I do for one whole (rest) day? Well, I took some pictures of myself, edited them and posted them to fool a couple of friends. They said the size of my boobs gave my identity away. Darnit. I knew I should have edited that.

Anyway… so the next day (oh! it rhymes!) I was still in a bit of a daze (it rhymes again!) and it really showed in my fa–cial expression. (ah-hah! got you! no? ok..) In short, I was a zombie in a very foul mood. So I wasn’t in the right mind to tolerate anything unusual. I got in the jeep going to Pasig and I immediately noticed the couple in front of me. They were snug in each other’s arms. The girl had half of her body on the guy’s lap and their arms are locked onto each other in their personal space (invading other people’s personal space while they’re at it) It wasn’t supposed to bother me. Until the guy started rubbing her thigh and the girl reached up and started sucking on his neck.

Oh I wish I was kidding.

I kind of looked like that the whole time.

I was thisclose to shouting “It’s 5 IN THE GODDAMN MORNING!!!!!!! GEEZUS!!!”

But of course I couldn’t do that since the guy looked like he came from the navy and I was really too tired and lazy to do anything about it. The other people in the jeep though were all coughing and uneasy already. Good thing there wasn’t an old woman in the jeep or else those two would have probably gotten a beating.

When the girl finished sucking and licking his ear, it was time for them to get off. As soon as they got off the jeep, everyone… like EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the jeep turned to look at the two of them as they walk away. It was fucking hilarious, I swear. They all looked at the same time. Then when we looked at each other and found out that we’re all guilty of watching, we snickered a bit to ourselves.

“Sana pumalakpak ka” – Carlos, my officemate, said when I related the story to him as soon as I got to the office.

I should have! Really! That would’ve been awesome. XD

My Life Story as a Narcoleptic Prostitute

I used to have this girly crush on a guy from college. His name is Pocholo Goitia. (hahaha, a little *too* blunt maybe, but he won’t be able to see this anyway so… XD) I used to have this girly crush on him ever since I first read his short stories. He’s the only prose student writer I completely looked up to at that time. Whenever an issue of Dapitan comes out, I immediately flip over to his page, read his story then close the book. Yes, I’m THAT big of a fan. He doesn’t know this of course, but neither does Neil Gaiman.

I came across his blog and saw one of his posts. It’s kind of like a personality quiz except the results are super randomly generated. Yes, I have to say the word super because without it the description is powerless. Basically it’s a “quiz” that tells you what the title of a movie about your life is going to be and who will direct the said film. He got: Fiction. And the director? Martin Scorsese.

How… fitting.

Amazed at the wonders of randomly generated outcomes, I tried it and used my full name. This came out:

What. the. fuck.

Perversity and Woe? Hey! You! I can see you snickering there. Yeah, you! It’s not funny. T__T How can my crush get such a cool title like “Fiction” and I get “The Tale of Perversity and Woe”? Yes, the fact that it’s random does not concern me. I was hurt. My pride was hurt. (how can this automated thing see right through me?)

Thinking that Perversity and Woe CAN’T POSSIBLY BE the story of my life (perversity maybe… but woe? oh no!), I decided to try it again.

Stupid randomly generated quizzes!!! Why do you fail me!!!

little voice at the back of my head says: “That’s strike two. Care for a third?”

I say: “Yes! Third time’s a charm!! I’m going to use my online alias!! That’s BOUND to be different!”

I have this weird feeling the universe is trying to tell me something. I wonder what that is. XD

Take the quiz and tell me what you got!
Let’s see if you do better than I did.