How The Game Was Lost : Finale

how to end this… hmm…

He was starting to really rub off on me. I found myself declining dates with other people and rejecting calls and advances from “new prospects”. He didn’t really ask for it but I was starting to make myself exclusive for him. It was an unconscious change from dating like crazy to steady dating. I know it is because friends started seeing the difference. Every single day made it harder for me to say no to the “tingles” he’s causing me. I kept asking him if he was sure with what he was feeling. It may just be a phase after all, or a spark of curiosity. Or even a conquest. I was losing all control and fear started choking me dead. To be able to trust again that soon after a horrible, horrible break-up was something I didn’t think I could do. Paranoia floats over my head like fever I couldn’t sweat off. (reference to the emo band is unintentional)

Then I started listening to Sixpence None The Richer. I honestly don’t know why and how that whole thing started. I just started listening to one particular song of theirs. No, not to the overly bastardized KEYS ME courtesy of whatshername, but to the song Need to be Next to You. When I first heard it, the feeling it brought to me was familiar, the familiarity and comfort that comes from a well-loved romance movie. Then I started acting like a self-centered idiot by relating its lyrics to my own situation. You know you’re falling in-love when you think every single damn love song is about you. (works the other way around too haha)

so afraid to take a chance again

so afraid of what I feel inside

… but I need to be next to you

But it really was true. The feeling was absolutely terrifying. There is no other way to describe it. When you know that you’re starting to feel things that recently brought you a great deal of pain… you don’t know how to deal with it. It’s scary. It’s bigger than you. And the most terrifying fact is that it’s something you can’t control.

Deep down though, I knew I needed him. I wanted to be with him. All the paranoia and anxiety I was having was brought upon by my need to be next to him. (haha I just had to say that, sorry XD) I was getting all flustered because I’m allowing myself to get all flustered. AND I was allowing myself to get flustered because deep down, despite all my apprehensions and battle scars, I wanted to try again. I wanted to believe him.

So what really happened?

The day that I decided to say yes to him got pushed because of a barkada night-out. It was supposed to be a semi-test actually. I wanted to find out if he really was comfortable with me going out with friends as he said he was. My previous boyfriend you see, didn’t like it that I go out with my friends which are composed mostly of men. It was a constant source of argument at that time so before I commit to someone new I wanted to be sure if we would be having the same problem. I wouldn’t want to waste anybody’s time. I really can’t give my friends up. Especially not after the big, bad break-up. I realized how important friends are as support system.

Well… Brian is still a guy after all. We had an argument about it (the first one since we met) and then frustration got to me. There I was wanting to say yes to him already and now I have to rethink everything because of this new issue. I spent a good amount of time deliberating on whether we should give this relationship a shot and when I have finally decided, he goes ahead and blows it right up. (unintentionally of course) So I spent some quality- ME time and thought about things. I went out of the house to clear my head.

As I was distracting myself in Greenhills, I found bracelets. Unconsciously, I bought two of the same kind and stuffed it in my bag. I honestly didn’t know why I bought two. I walked around for a bit more with my friends then decided to go home when it got dark.

When I got home, a box was waiting for me on my bed. When I opened it…

I’m not going to put everything that’s written in the letter in here but this is what last line read:

I’d still love you even if you push me away

That’s it. That’s when I knew why I bought a pair of bracelets instead of one.

-game over <3-

There we go guys!!! thanks for sticking through this. And sorry for the late late late update! ^_______^

To fully comprehend this post, please take time to read these too: (LOL)

How The Game Was Lost: Part 1
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How The Game Was Lost: Part 2

Deception: clues were too big.

oooooh!! nomnomnomnomnom!

Jonathan (Ewan McGregor) is an awkward, reserved accountant who feels that life just passes him day after day. He loves problem solving, puzzles and numbers but that doesn’t really get him any, if you catch my drift. He meets charismatic lawyer Wyatt Bose (Hugh Jackman) and gets thrown into a world of sex and sex and more sex. Jonathan gets addicted to The List but he doesn’t really know for sure what he’s getting himself into.

I first learned about this movie during my first day of work when I passed by McDonalds to get myself some good ol’ sausage mcmuffin with egg. I got Sunday’s newspaper and saw two of the three men who introduced the meaning of lust to me: Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman (the last member of my three lust-inducing men group is none other than Johnny Depp) Having these two men in the same frame, in the same movie was enough to give me multiple orgasms. Haha yeah, that’s right.

Needless to say I was able to watch it the next weekend with a good friend of mine. Like most women, there are only two things I’d like to see men in. A good pair of boxers and a suit. (not both at the same time mind you) I was used to seeing Hugh Jackman’s body, I’ve practically memorized every curve, every bulge (of course not!) but Ewan McGregor has always been a girly crush. Sure I’ve seen his little ding-dong in a fleeting scene in Trainspotting, seen him make rough/sweet love with Scarlett in The Island, seen him get ravaged by Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge but what I feel for Ewan McGregor is more of a squealy, I-want-to-hugz-you type of feeling. He’s so boyish it’s just criminal. So I suppose it’s understandable that when I saw him in his glasses, his awkward hair and his slumped posture, I squealed like a high school girl and grabbed the nearest thing that I could squeeze. In that situation, it was my friend’s arm.

“Easy, Nicole… easy”

“But… But…!! OH MAH GAWD!! *pants*”

Setting all my girlish fantasies aside and to look at the movie critically, Deception had a good plot going for it. You know that it meant well but it’s just not that expertly executed. In this kind of movie genre, your success rests solely in your ability to put down clues small enough to keep the audience guessing but big enough to plant seeds of doubt. The problem with Deception is that the clues it presented practically gave away the secret. They were too big and too obvious that by the middle part of it, you already know what’s going to happen and how it’s going to happen.

Though I admit, they got me with Wyatt’s identity. I really believed him to be what he is at first. Young, successful lawyer who gets laid on a regular basis. I just thought that he would be a young, successful lawyer who swindles people and takes their money through an articulate form of cheating. I didn’t imagine he was a con artist. When Jonathan starts looking for Wyatt and finds that no one knew him, I was like “Oh holy shit!!”

In conclusion, the movie was okay. Not that spectacular considering its intended genre, there are a lot of movies with better execution. But having Ewan McGregor and Hugh Jackman in the same goddamn frame is something I would want to see again!

More pictures!

Michelle Williams you are too lucky!

OMG! It’s Maggie Q! HAWT!

Writing for a Living

When I took up Communication Arts, I knew my parents would really rather have me take up something else. I can tell probably because of the way they told me “You don’t like nursing? How about engineering?” (how about anything else besides comm arts? haha.) Parents have this staple dream of their sons and daughters turning into doctors or lawyers. Recent times has changed that though, now every parent wants their child to take up nursing for reasons that are obvious.

Whenever people learn that I’m taking up a liberal arts course, their first question is “So what kind of jobs would you get after it? Receptionists?”

If you think that’s bad, well a lot of jackasses would scoff and laugh and say “Comm Arts? Wala namang pera diyan eh!”

I have endured comments like that for the whole of my college life and when I was finally able to graduate, I found a job as a creative writer. What do I do basically? I write web content and do a little SEO work every now and then. I was tasked to maintain 5 blogs… oh don’t laugh! I know what you’re thinking. How can sorbetera maintain 5 blogs when she can hardly maintain her own one? Haha! Work is different ladies and gents. I have to write web content (from scratch) for around 5 websites and I also have to make promotional articles for the company.

where I get my ideas

Basically my big bag o’ creative tricks is juiced up to the last drop every single day. I go to the office, sit in front of my cubicle, log into my account and write (ideally) 8 articles until the day is finished. Writing is no problem since that’s where all my pent-up sexual frustration goes (no, not really) but writing about things you absolutely have zero interest in is a different matter altogether. That’s why writing, my dear friends, is no walk in the park. It is not to be underestimated. You have to do a lot of research to write about something you know nothing about because if you want to convince people that whatever shit you’re writing is true, well you damn better know your facts. You have to study how enthusiasts of that field write their topics and what kind of info they would want to read,

Stephen King said in his On Writing that to be a good writer, you should read a lot and write a lot. I got the read a lot covered but the write a lot, not so much. King said that you should write and write and write even if you don’t want to, even if you don’t feel like it, even if you absolutely have nothing to say. And because of my job, I can now fully comprehend what he meant and apply that. When you write for a living (unless you’re a novelist), you don’t usually write what you want and write what you know. You have to squeeze all that juice out of you and come up with a great article that you have no interest on.

So don’t underestimate writers or Communication Arts graduates. It is true that what we’re doing is our passion, our forte, our calling… but unlike the Barney Bag, our juice dries up every now and then and usually, it is during those times that GREAT things are demanded from us. We don’t have a guide or a manual where we can find tried-and-tested answers. Everyday is a new ball game for us.